Ronda Rousey took her loss to Holly Holm way harder than anyone realized.
Talking to Ellen DeGeneres in a startlingly vulnerable interview that aired Monday, a teary-eyed Rousey admitted to having suicidal thoughts in the moments after her brutal loss at UFC 193 in November, the first defeat of her superstar MMA career.
“I was down in the corner [of the medical room], and I was like, ‘What am I anymore if I’m not this?’ I was literally sitting there and thinking about killing myself,” she said.
“In that exact second I’m like, ‘I’m nothing.’”
In Rousey’s darkest moment, as her world was collapsing around her, the beaten-down former champion turned to her boyfriend, fellow MMA fighter Travis Browne, for inspiration.
“To be honest, I looked up and I saw my man Travis standing there and I looked up at him, and I was just like: ‘I need to have his babies. I need to stay alive.’”
In another startling admission, Rousey told Ellen why everything went so wrong in the fight against Holm.
“I was knocked out on my feet the first time I got hit,” Rousey said.
The barrage of punches Holm landed in the first few seconds of the fight were so devastating, Rousey lost her depth perception, sense of space and memory.
“I wasn’t even there anymore,” she said.
Rousey survived the first round before she was knocked out by a savage head kick in the second round.
While Rousey continues to recover from her injuries and slowly resumes training, Holm will defend her title for the first time on March 5 at UFC 196 in a fight against Miesha Tate.
Rousey is expected to return to the ring in November.
“I want to fight Holly,” Rousey told Ellen with a big smile. “I want to beat her and make everything right again.”